Self Care and Grief: Taking Care of our Emotional Wounds

Grief I have learned is one of the most gut wrenching, exhausting and hardest life experiences humans will endure across the lifespan. After my dad died, I remember feeling broken, hurt and wounded. I was lost and felt like I had no idea how to navigate the pain I was feeling in my heart. During this time I recall talking to a friend and she asked “What have you been doing to take care of yourself?”. I replied “nothing”. Instantly I realized, as I was suffering I was not taking care of myself or my broken heart.

Throughout my life I suffered from several physical injuries and would always take action to nurture those wounds. I made the connection that grief is an emotional wound we experience after loss just like physical wounds we experience after injury. I also realized how much emotional suffering has an impact on my physical body. Grief truly affects our whole body. After making this connection, it dawned on me, “why am I not taking care of myself while my body and heart are suffering?” 

I then discovered the powerful practice of self care. 

What is Self Care and How Does it Support Us Through Grief?

Nedra Glover Tawaab in her book Setting Boundaries Find Peace, defines self care as an action individuals take to nurture and restore the mind, body and spirit. When we experience grief, it can have a significant impact on us emotionally but also our body, mind and spirit. When we are grieving we experience overwhelming emotions, may become irritable, experience impacted memory, loss of energy, impacted sleep and loss of concentration. Practicing self care can help nurture and lessen the suffering on our mind, body and spirit. It can help us restore our energy, improve our sleep and support us in navigating our emotions. Self care acts like a cushion, something that can hold us up and support us during some of our hardest moments. 

Self care allows us to treat our emotional wounds just like we would a physical wound. If you broke your leg you would probably take steps to take care of your leg. You may seek out professional support, ice the leg, elevate, rest. We can take this same approach after experiencing significant loss. 

Self Care and Grief

Now you may be thinking “ my grief is exhausting, how could I possibly have enough energy to take care of myself?” For some of us self care may seem like a daunting task however there are a few myths surrounding self care: 

Myths About Self Care:

  1. It is Time Consuming: Self care can look like increasing daily water intake, eating a healthy meal, taking breaks throughout the day or deep breathing. These self care tools I shared can be used throughout the day and only take a few minutes. Sometimes it is the smallest actions that can make a big difference. 

  2. It is Not Effective: I know on my journey of discovering self care that I was looking for fast and quick results. If I just drink more water today then I will feel better. Time after time I would become disappointed as I would practice self care for a day and still feel the same. I thought it was not effective. What I learned is that self care takes practice. It really is about creating and integrating new hobbies and routines into your life. You might find that your self care works sometimes and is a challenge other times. Be patient and keep trying!

  3. Only Practice Self Care “When you need it”: Self care is something that we need to practice ongoing. The more we practice on our good days, the more it will be accessible to support us on our hard days. 

How Can I Start?

For some of us we may not engage in self care, have not been encouraged to engage in self care or simply do not know where to begin! Self care can come in many forms. I encourage you to take a look at these different domains and try something that sparks your interest!

Emotional:

  • Write (poetry, journal, lyrics, quotes)

  • Draw or color (be free and let your mind be creative, invite whatever comes)

  • Listen to music (music to change your mood or music to help relate and process feelings)

  • Talk about your emotions 

  • Watch a movie

  • Gratitude journal

  • Wash your face

Mental:

  • Listen to a podcast  

  • Read a book 

  • Watch a documentary: What are your interests? What is something new that you would like to learn more about?

  • Do a puzzle (places you have traveled, places you want to travel, places that bring you joy, words that bring you joy)

  • Reduce screen time 

 Physical:

  • Dance

  • Meal prep/ cook new meal

  • Get outside/walk

  • Fitness classes

  • Rest/take a nap- listen to your body

  • Take a bath

  • Organize or clean your house

Spiritual

  • Pray

  • Meditate

  • Read holy scriptures

  • Mindfulness- deep breaths, meditations

“In a society that says put yourself last, self love and self acceptance are almost revolutionary” - Brene Brown

Blog Written by Gina Baretta 

Gina is a Registered Provisional Psychologist, a Certified Grief Recovery Specialist®, EMDR Clinician, and Director of People and Culture at The Grief and Trauma Healing Centre.

Gina holds a Bachelor of Arts degree in Applied Psychology and a Master of Counselling program at City University of Seattle.

Gina has supported individuals through many experiences including death of a loved one, pet loss, job loss, loss of identity, and loss of trust. Her specialty includes supporting individuals living with chronic pain, chronic illness, low self-esteem and self-worth, and who have experienced relationship loss.

Through her lived experience of losing her dad at the tender age of 18 and her educational journey, she developed a strong passion for serving grieving people in our community.

To learn more about Gina or to work with her click here.

Ashley Mielke