The Value of Learning About Emotions and How to Cope
As we continue on in the pandemic for more than a year now, I am saddened by the intense suffering it has caused for so many people. Because I ask my clients how they feel nearly every session, I have held myself accountable to a similar check-in process. I have journaled almost every single day in the pandemic to help learn about how I feel. If you are like me, you have likely experienced a wide array of emotions. For me, these emotions have ranged in intensity from mildly to deeply felt, from pleasant to unpleasant (nearly unbearable, if I am candid). This discovery shed light on the value of learning about how I feel so I can learn more about how I experience the world and hopefully better serve my clients with this self-awareness.
I learned a lot from this exercise. When I re-read my journal entries, I was surprised I experienced so much emotional diversity like sadness, despair, fatigue, exhaustion, fear, angst, overwhelm, joy, wonder, awe, and many other feelings. I learned that I could be trusted with many emotions, including feelings of sadness, overwhelm, and despair. However, I also learned that when I feel afraid of the future (anxiety), I have a tendency to use food to try to make me feel safe (emotional eating). In case you are wondering, it did not once settle my feelings. Instead, my stomach just got full. What did work, though, seems obvious but I can still find it hard to do.
This pandemic has pushed me to emotional edges I have not previously experienced. I did not know how to help myself with the new levels of intensity. I had to focus my energy on my learning in the field of psychology and find what worked best for me. What I found was that the most effective way for me to stop feeling afraid was to say to someone I love, like my husband, that I am afraid (identifying feelings and sharing them). While it does not sounds like rocket science, it can be surprisingly challenging to show this level of vulnerability. After I would share my feelings with my husband, he would offer to hold me. His arms wrapped around me, comforted me, and helped me to feel safe. I also learned that I could not just rely on him to help me through those feelings because he is not always available. When he is not home, sometimes I journal about my thoughts and feelings of fear for the future. Other times, I tightly grab my own upper arms and simply hug myself (offering my body comfort with self-compassion). Another effective strategy that was impactful for me was to do yoga. After I practiced yoga for 30 minutes at home, my fear would dissolve.
If you find yourself struggling in this pandemic, learning about identifying your feelings and learning how to cope with them might be helpful to you. I think about it like becoming emotionally fit, by recognizing when an emotion or mixed emotions are experienced, identifying it/them, naming it/them, and addressing it/them in an effective way that works well for you. I liken it to building a “calm practice.” It is like trying to get back to a calm feeling, so you can navigate the emotional events that occur in any day from an emotional baseline of calm. This is also known in the therapeutic world as emotion regulation and effective coping skills.
Coping skills can help to regulate emotions. With an emotion like grief, as an example, it is normal to experience a great deal of sadness with a significant loss. But, grief can devolve into depression if an individual cannot move through the grief by coping in healthy ways. Because other emotions, like joy, can offer a relief from sadness, they are vital to help one stay mentally well. So, utilizing healthy coping skills to regulate the emotions is a powerful way to try to help yourself.
While grief and sadness can be triggered effortlessly, it makes sense that other emotions could also be triggered with some effort. Trying to trigger other emotions is a wonderful way to help stay afloat in hard times and is one way to effectively cope. If you are finding living through this pandemic challenging like me, here are some evidence-based ways to trigger positively-experienced emotions that will increase your healthy forms of coping.
1. Exercising - releases feel-good feelings (serotonin is a hormone that releases feelings of well-being) and can reduce negatively-experienced feelings.
2. Connecting with a friend - can offer a break from feelings of isolation.
3. Journaling - can offer an outlet to feelings that ought to be acknowledged to learn more about the self.
4. Expressing gratitude - focuses mental energy on parts of life that are meaningful, despite the struggle.
5. Practicing Mindfulness - invites one into the present moment and can combat anxiety (future-based fears) and/or depression (sadness about the past).
6. Laughing out loud - a wonderful antidote to the seriousness of life
About Sherri Lees
Sherri is a Registered Provisional Psychologist and Certified Grief Specialist. In addition, her education includes a 4-year Bachelor of Arts Degree from Concordia University of Alberta with an applied emphasis in Counselling Psychology. Sherri recently completed her Master’s of Counselling at City University of Seattle. Her capstone was focused on whether group therapy is an effective platform to treat perfectionism in adults with depression.
Sherri is a kind and compassionate human being, who has a true love of helping women and men reconnect with their emotions. Through her work as a psychologist, Sherri helps her clients learn to identify, name, and express what they feel. Sherri also supports clients through varied issues like grief, trauma, existential issues, depression, and anxiety. Her hope is to support clients through their healing journeys, so they may find joy.
To learn more about Sherri or to book a session with her, click here.